Creating Boundaries With Yourself

Setting boundaries with yourself might seem like a strange concept but it is the first step to setting any other boundaries in your life. They are a practice of introspection and a journey into finding your limits and it starts with mindfulness.

There are many different aspects of setting boundaries with yourself and they all involve a mindful presence. To start, it is important to feel worthy of setting boundaries. Do you deserve boundaries? (The answer is “yes”. Everyone deserves boundaries) Do you feel like you deserve boundaries?

Take a breath and think about why you are or are not worthy and if you aren't, see if you can start to challenge those thoughts, repeatedly remembering that you are worthy of boundaries. Give yourself space and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Building a stone wall is not an instant process and it takes planning and experience. It is this same way with boundaries.

Another mindfulness practice is to ask yourself, “Am I giving myself enough space?”, or “Am I allowing myself to rest?”. Often, I find that I punish myself if I don’t finish everything on my “list”. I will overschedule myself as a result or engage in more negative self-talk. It has been a practice to remember that everything I have done is enough. It has been difficult for the perfectionist in me to deal with this. In order to set boundaries with myself, I have had to embrace my perfectionist side but not let it control my life.

When I have a long to-do list, sometimes I avoid doing things on that list. It's been helpful for me to think about what I am avoiding and why. Weigh the rewards of doing this activity or chore against how you are feeling. Here again, mindfulness about yourself, thoughts and body is key. Get used to saying “no,” to yourself and get used to allowing yourself space to not be productive.

Positive self-talk is another way to create boundaries with yourself. Find those negative thoughts about yourself and identify them and find phrases or self-affirmations that you can use to counter them. It is like learning a new language. In the same way, boundaries can be made with yourself by creating good habits and identifying and reducing or eliminating bad habits.

Making schedules is another way to set boundaries. Keep yourself accountable with this schedule in both giving yourself the space to rest and reminding yourself to be active. Allow yourself time to make this schedule and find what works for you.

Finally, when you go to set these boundaries with yourself, think about the potential harm of setting or not setting the boundary. Is this going to help in the short term or the long term? Eating a pint of ice cream might make me feel good right now but tomorrow I will be suffering because I am lactose intolerant and I’m not supposed to eat ice cream. The process is also a practice of mindfulness.

Check-in with yourself and see what boundaries you can start setting right now. Think about what you need, what you have and what you can do to get yourself the things you need. In order to maintain boundaries in your life, it’s important first to set them with yourself.